"If a man wants to leave he will walk right out, no matter"

It is every girl’s dream to grow up, get married and have a family of her own, says Josanne Brassey, 24, a young woman from the island of Tobago. But dreams do not always turn out as you imagine, especially when lovers part and a baby comes into the equation.

It is said that real love is supposed to be as passionate as sucking the sweetness out of a nectar and as heavenly as dining on a piece of scrumptious cheese cake.

Traditionally it is every girl’s dream to grow up, get married and have a family of her own, with a dream job to match.

Nothing is wrong with wanting that fulfilment out of life. But life is never a bed of roses. There will always be ups and downs that will take their course.

Some young women may believe that if they are with a guy for two to five years and he does not ‘pop the question’, then they should resort to an old but shameless trick.

When a man says he is not ready for children the message that registers is that this man has the potential to leave soon. And, yes, sometimes that is true. So the woman may believe that getting themselves pregnant is the trump card, or the meal ticket, to future happiness.

But these women fail to realize it’s the most foolish trick in the book. A woman can have a child today and still end up single tomorrow because “baby don’t keep ah man if he doesn’t want to stay”. If a man wants to leave he will walk right out, no matter the circumstance.

But in the time that passes before telling the father, he may have already entered into a new relationship, thereby introducing a new person in the equation. This kind of relationship now places adverse effects on everyone involved. You got the baby mama who is furious, then there’s the new girlfriend who probably feels like she has to compete against an obstacle bigger than herself.

In such a life altering experience the baby mama faces losing a future husband and possibly someone that can take care of her, while the new woman is striving for sufficient time with her man, trying to see if she can give that same love to a child that is not hers.

“In a situation as complicated as the one the guy is facing,” a male friend told me, “the new woman isn’t giving the guy a reason to sort his life out with all the drama with his ex. If the woman really loves that guy and is serious about him she would give him the freedom he needs to clean up his mess”.

Same goes for the guy. “If he really loves his current significant other and wants to have a life with her, he would take the time he needs to handle the mess he got himself into and when things seem much clearer to him and the confusion is over, he can proceed with his relationship to the new woman.”

Giving up may seem like the easiest solution to every problem, but it’s only a practical answer for the weakest link in life. The best advice anyone can take from this life lesson is to give the guy his freedom and let him sort himself out, let him decide what he really wants.

A love that has so many obstacles, trying to knock its walls down, is never that simple, as nothing good in life comes easily.

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Opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of the Commonwealth Youth Programme. Articles are published in a spirit of dialogue, respect and understanding. If you disagree, why not submit a response?

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